Too Much Information

I suppose it's that first long ride when the pain, fatigue and loneliness are most defeating that makes you wonder why you are undertaking a particualar trip. Now with the past three days of solid cycling behind me the pain, fatigue and loneliness are no longer enemies but companions along for the ride. We'll take turns leading each other through the jungle or up some evil grade that has the diesel spewing logging trucks grinding slowly up in 1st gear. That, by the way, is a curious feeling...hearing a massive engine approaching from behind, on a twisty narrow road as yet unseen around a bend. It's kind of like being stalked. You know it's out there and you can feel its presence; it's getting closer and it will eventually get you.
Yesterday was the best day of cycling yet as fatigue (after 105km) edged in fronty of pain to pull me into Maran, a small but welcoming town about 200km east of Kuala Lumpur. Leaving the coast and heading inland felt good. The terrain has changed to more dense jungle and quite hilly as the roads have shrunk. No more wide shoulder to ride on but not as much traffic either. Occasionally, through the trees, I could see the riverI was following to the right. Latte colored and wide as the Mississippi I rode toward its source, Lake Chini. All of its tributaries I noted were the color of coffee as well; most of them with lots of cream added, some with just a splash of powdered creamer and others just black. As hot and sweaty as I was these waters were not inviting. But the monkeys and crazy colored birds and butterflies and wild jungle sounds were.
As earlier noted, my companion pain had been leading the way today. And here is where I give fair warning to the TMI mentioned in todays blog title. Two Words: Crotch Rot. I've never had it before and hope to never get it again but fully understand its pressence right now. Here's the recipe. Take one pair of tight fitting lycra bike shorts. One assorted mixture of male anatomy (amount not critical in this recipe). One gallon of sweat. Set all ingredients on rubber bike seat ( leather will probably work) and turn up temp to 90 degrees and humidity to 90%. Churn all for 6-8 hours with even pedal strokes.
A mild chaffing 3 days ago became a scratchy erythematous annoyance 2 days ago that morphed into a red hot area of open skin now. With no one around for miles ( I hoped) in the middle of some deserted road I needed an assessment. "Nurse!" I yelled aloud laughing, thinking of all the times I heard that horrible word being moaned from innumerable patients. Now it was my turn, and still riding, I pulled the waistband away from my belly and looked down to see some angry looking wound where there once was skin. At about this time an anxiety born of pain, fear and the inability to bandage this particular part of my body began to build. "What if the whole thing just scabs over and falls off?" You know, that old anxiety. Stupid yes, but after hours of cycling when your weiner goes to sleep and gets all tingly and then starts looking like some roadkill you just passed... Anyway, it was this anxiety that led to a bold solution. Bolder yet knowing I was going into more conservative and more muslim terratory with every pedal stroke. Cycling naked would be out of the question but with some ingenious rearranging of lycra, oragami folding of T-shirt and shorts and bizarre body contortion making it look like I was riding with my spine strapped to a pole, I had positive air flow to my groin for the first time this week. Ahh relief, cooling ( if 90 degrees can be cooling) air flow! A few times I looked down to see myself exposed for the entire world to see, riding like some pervy flasher and would snap up the lycra ( which would rubber-band back over the open skin) before anyone would appear. I got away with it too until the quiet road I was on merged with a main road and the last 20km or so were back to the churning action as I passed a mosque with calls to prayer emitting from its minaretts. Now while I contemplate tomorrows ride (a short 50 km) the name Elena Bobbitt keeps coming to mind...hmm.