Relax...Take Deep Breaths...Balance

Over and over this past week I've heard those words repeated. I've been in a yoga retreat in Nong Khai, Thailand for the last "adventure" of my trip. Pancho, my yoga instructor and all around spiritual community builder here, has a background in theater and those three reminders were uttered just as you would imagine a yoga teacher should. They came slowly, stretched out and breathy. It worked: I actually relaxed and breathed deeply and found my balance. The yoga class was perfect for me as the focus was on breath and quieting the mind (not that I need any mind quieting at all) and the improved flow of pranic energy. This is the kind of inner work I've been seeking the whole trip and here, and found it in my last week in Asia...without pedalling! The inner journey experience while cycling was difficult and yet invaluable. Through stubborn perseverance and lonliness and determination I overcame fears and my own insanities of which I've mentioned before. I found an inner resilience and strenth and self respect I never knew before. I discovered a James who I like that I never knew before. I found scrotal pain I never knew existed before!! Yoga is analagous (except for the scrotal part) but takes a very different approach. Through cycling, I became more aware of the dispiriting inner voice that always whines and wants to quit when things get hard (easy gutterheads). I could settle into a cycling rhythm that allowed me to gently but assertively hold an uncomfortable but maintainable edge. And I got a lot stronger physically. And as the riding was just what my stagnant yoga practice needed, the yoga was the perfect ending for this trip. Abused and overworked muscles and tendons and bones that were never meant to move that reptititiously for that long, day after day and month after month were worked and stretched in a different and more wholistic way.
I cycled into Nong Khai and followed an inner beacon that often leads me to right where I need to be. It's weird and I don't know how it woks but I'm learning to really trust it. Lost in the bustle that is day market stall after day market stall I saw a sign saying Mut-Mee guest house. I had signed up for the yoga class weeks earlier and thought maybe the Mut-Mee people could guide me there. A small, quiet, tree lined side street led toward the guest house. Pancho's yoga studio and home are both next door to the Mut-Mee. Providence led me to the right place once again and I was glad as it had been an 80km ride from the nature preserve in Laos and the direct sunlight was bearing down as if through a magnifying glass. I hopped off my bike and smiled knowing this was going to be my last stop on the trip and it was over looking the Mekong river. The smile soon faded when I looked around at all the white faces and the young hippy set eating western food. Once again I was in Thailand and yet could be anywhere. Americans, Dutch, Germans, British and Canadians...all being served by the Thais who didn't really mingle. But by the next day my dismay had evaporated as I realized very few people were drinking. A lot of these people either lived here or were long term renters who came for the yoga/neditation classes...then fell in love with the little community of new agers, and decided to stay. Here was a group of like minded, spiritual seekers that spend way too much time naval gazing. It was a place that would have had my friend Cary looking for a semi-automatic weapon. I was in heaven. An 11:00 post yoga breakfast would last 2 hours as we would discuss things like whether morality is subjective. It's kind of embarassing to write about now because none of us were even stoned. The atmosphere and heat just fed these discussions until the 2:00 meditation hour started. I actually had a hard time leaving the Mut-Mee after 2 days and just languished at the tables reading or waiting for another conversation to start up. There was a little bookstore and an art studio and people playing music all around and shady banana trees and a thatch roofed restaurant and the flowing Mekong behind it all. I spent one of the most relaxing weeks of my life there (even though the yoga retreat was physically and mentally difficult) and was sad to have to leave. Especially since the train from Nong Khai was taking me back to the familiar and evil haunts of Bangkok.