The Ring

I'm getting married! You might be shocked to know that I even have a significant other as 1) I almost never write about Sheryl (in the interest of staying in a relationship with Sheryl) and 2) I can hear you wondering who would tolerate a guy so seemingly lost in the dark lint of his own belly button. But it's true and the big day is later this year in August...the 29th to be exact. So now, six months ahead of time, comes the inevitable planning process. Which leads me to today's rant about wedding rings. Not hers, that was planned last summer when I proposed. I wanted her ring to be as beautiful as possible and very traditional. Sheryl, you see, is anything but traditional. It's one of the many things I find so damn attractive about her. But she has lived an "on edge" and "alternative lifestyle" for many years of her life. We wanted our wedding (even though we plan on getting onto a large boat and waiting for orca whales to appear before we exchange our Buddhist inspired vows) to be more traditional. I know it doesn't sound that way but it's true. We have both been married before. Sheryl in jeans and a flannel shirt in front of a justice of the peace...and me in the woods wearing what can now only be described as neo-Baltic, gypsy inspired Indian chic. Sheryl's previous $20 gold wedding band, long since resold and melted down, always seemed to be a sore spot with her so I wanted this ring to be special...and traditional. After looking at a million rings that all start to blur (I mean, really...how many ways can a metal ring with rocks on it vary) I found one I really liked. The sales woman explained that there was a little "ppf" stamp on the inside of the ring. When I looked at her inquisitively she sort of sighed at my ignorance. "Past, present and future" she smiled. Like, by saying those three words a deep meaning was transmitted and understood by those who are (or about to get) married. "Oh, right, right. Yeah, past, present and future" I nodded back to her and scooted out of the kind of retail shop I try to avoid every other day of my life. "Past?" Damn, we've both been married before AND DIVORCED! So it's not as if we want to go dragging up the past as a guide for marriage. "Present?" We're doing well in our relationship right now and staying present to problems that arise and are still in love and the sex is, well, none of your damn business gutter heads, and we love raising two teenagers, so CHECK...the present is good. "Future?" WTF??!! Who the hell knows? I could get whacked by a bus on the way to work tomorrow or Sheryl could fall down our stairwell? As I was walking back to the car I wondered If I could have one of the 'P's and the 'F' scratched off but thought it might be kind of tacky and look kind of 'pre-owned'.
She picked out her wedding dress last night and it's a far cry from a flannel shirt. The 1920's style crepe-over-satin, cap sleeved dress (I know that description makes me sound gay but I'm still not) is also pretty traditional but it won't really cover most of her tattoo's so it's not as if we're going all Ronald and Nancy Reagan. I'll be sporting a new tux however, shiny shoes and all, so I'm hoping to get away from that Bosnia meets New Delhi bit I had going for me last time. In staying with the whole traditional thing I need to get Sheryl a matching wedding ring. I kind of forgot about that part...until she reminded me the other day. It turns out the ring before the wedding is called an "engagement" ring... only to be followed up with another ring (matching of course) called the "wedding" ring. Who knew? I do, now...and will plan accordingly. Then came the time to pick out my ring. In my defense I will call it ring shopping fatigue (or just plain frugality)but it seems that all the silver colored bands that I prefer look EXACTLY alike. Whether titanium, white gold, silver, stainless steel, or platinum they are all shiny silver and kind of boring and perfect for doing the job of saying "Hey pretty ladies, sorry, this hunk of a man is taken!" So I was surprised at Sheryl's response when I said "Hey look, here's a ring on E-bay for $14.95 with free shipping! A discussion was had, let's say, about the relative quality of different precious metals...value...money...quality...money...value...quality. In these matters, my grandfather Temple taught me, it is better to let the women's prerogative prevail. So it looks like along with my shiny black shoes I'll be wearing a shiny silver (scratch that) white gold wedding band. It's funny what comes up when discussing something like a wedding. Something as pragmatic as where to plan the reception becomes super emotional. What one wears becomes of the utmost importance. Emotions wear thin and ...Oh, God, we haven't even approached the subject of invitations yet!