Bicycle Porn

So what does one (me) do when it's 30 degrees outside and there is ice and snow on the ground and one wants to go for a long bike ride? If I were a total rock star cyclist I'd put on my long fingered gloves and 14 layers of breathable yet windproof protective clothing and go for a ride. Sadly I'm not that guy. I just read in the Adventure Cyclist magazine that a guy rode across a stretch of Australian desert with his only water source being what he could carry and the rare well he would stumble across. He lost 30 pounds in that 40 day ride and probably whatever sanity he started with as well. People have come up to me since the SE Asian ride last year and said how intrepid or brave I was to have done that. I'm not sure how following my bliss and working a daily diet of great vegetarian food and cold Beer Lao after a hot day on my beautiful bike deems me studly but I'll take those empty compliments. Memory is a funny thing. It's so true how we forget the pain and remember the beauty and fun and joy of past experiences. Life can be crappy at times so it's a nice touch that god threw this wrinkle into the mix and let's us remember the past with longing and fondness. Now, as I look out the window and watch the snow fall and pile up in the streets, I don't remember the crotch rot or the loneliness or the long smelly bus rides or the misery of the humid mid-day sun. I think of friends and people I met and bonded with or of the beauty of the strange vertical mountains of Southern Thailand. I even think fondly of Khao San Road in Bangkok. That overly dreadlocked and body pierced orgy of alcohol and Euro-youth looking to get laid...or at least a tan while munching on a bag of fried crickets.
The snow here acts like a blanket of Versed causing event memory loss. For my non medical friends Versed is a drug given for short term medical procedures that hurt like hell. Things like setting a dislocated shoulder or cramming a three foot long camera up your ass (aka colonoscopy). It is a great drug to have before these procedures as it not only really helps you relax, it causes amnesia of the thing just performed. I always smile when a patient who just minutes before was screaming out in pain and misery awakens and asks when we're going to begin the procedure. It can be hard to convince someone that, yes, that tube really did go that far up their rectum when they have no memory of it at all. {That was a hideous tangent...I'm so sorry} So the snow removes the pain of the worst of last years ride and all I remember is being warm and enjoying it all. Craziness to be sure but I can't even get outside now without feeling the bite on my skin as the wind blows in from the north. So, to get back to the original question of the blog... what to do now? I'm stuck on the computer reading about other people adventures or looking at bike porn. Its a sickness I have to admit. Something I'm really not proud of...and something that can be very addictive. Bike porn. Looking at photo's of bikes and the gear just stripped from their sexy frames. Panniers pulled off like lingerie or racks just waiting to be mounted onto that frame. The pictures are endless and there are so many things to look at and desire that I almost feel dirty. Lighter pedals, stronger wheels, bigger bags, softer seats, beefier panniers, the list goes on and on. As does the ever present desire. When I can't look at any more pictures I'll spend time cleaning my bike. My bike is clean...really clean right now as I've rubbed my deraileur too many times. My chain shines right now. And chains should never really shine. But all this loving care has changed my relationship with my bike. The love affair is back and after taking her for granted for so long, I love my bike. She is strong and beautiful and black and with a little TLC she treats me like a king. If I could only get on and ride!! Yeah, my stepson Julian and I went for a ride a few days ago but the numb fingers and ears made it kind of painful and I couldn't conjure even a drop of sweat from my frozen body or my fading memory. So I come in from the cold and go back to the bike porn. I guess looking at a hot bike is better than sitting on a cold one...OK not really but all I'm trying to say is I'm missing Kauai and Thailand and Laos and.........